Grumpy People's Judean Front

I've settled in to D.C. There have been many personal adjustments, not the least of which is having to pay for things again (i.e. food, rent, and when did cable TV get so outrageously expensive?). But the upsides outweigh the frequent deductions from my bank account (figuratively, not literally). I can walk to work, I have a full kitchen at my disposal, and I can eat sushi whenever I feel like it.

There have been some adjustments at work, too. This is my first assignment at Main State and I'm still learning how the building works (and why corridors seem to end without warning). Part of my job is to keep track of certain naughty organizations. This is not as easy as you might think, especially when these groups are about as stable as the Judean People's Front from Monty Python's "Life of Brian." Or is it the People's Judean Front? Judean Silly People's Front?

Maybe it's because I've just gone through the State Department PCS voucher silliness, but I have an idea to disable all insurgencies and terrorist groups - let's export USG-style bureaucracy. If the illogical standard forms and opaque performance evaluation procedures don't cripple them, then we go one step further and impose our 2-party bicameral form of government on them. That will stop them in their tracks.

Transitions

I've left Kabul and am enjoying several weeks of Home Leave before starting my new job in DC. There are several layers of transitions I'm working through. Strange as it may seem, it was a bit difficult leaving Kabul behind. Ok, not really leaving Kabul behind, but leaving behind good people and unfinished work. I suppose there's a little guilt as well. Anne Smedinghoff came home in a box and I came home in business class. How is that fair?

Transitioning to the real world is not as traumatic as some might expect (I've done this before, so I was ready to face the abundance of choices available in the real world instead of selecting from two brands of men's deodorant available at the ISAF PX). It only took me a few days to get used to having to pay for things. I've been enjoying the Home Leave version of real life - doing household projects, preparing my own meals with fresh ingredients, and catching up on the latest American TV shows I've never seen (and a few classic reruns as well).

My next transition will be moving to DC. In the 8 years that I've been in the Foreign Service, all but 2 years were spent overseas and those 2 years were in Arlington for training. This will be my first time working and living in DC. Do I need to buy pantyhose, or can I get by at Main State with bare legs in the summer? How do I find an apartment and where's the best place to live? Will I be able to find a good Zumba class nearby?

Is there a Washington DC area studies class at FSI that I can sign up for?

Smart, But Cranky, Traveler

I am a cranky traveler. I admit it. But I'm also a smart traveler. Traveling as frequently as I do, I've learned the steps to take to avoid unnecessary hassles.

I know what needs to be easily accessible in my appropriately-sized carry on bag. I know exactly when to board the plane so that I'm not sitting in the economy section longer than necessary. I calculate in advance when the meal will be served and bring my own snack to tide me over. I know just when to visit the bathroom one last time before the plane begins its descent. And I spent $100 for the Global Entry Trusted Traveler program to avoid the long lines at passport control in U.S. airports. I put a lot of thought and planning into making my travel as hassle-free as possible. So I resent hassles that are artificially imposed upon me by less thoughtful travelers.

I have no patience for someone who waits in the security line for 15 minutes only to scramble to find her cell phone in an oversized purse when it's finally her turn.*  I crankily decline whenever I'm asked to give up my pre-selected aisle seat for a middle seat so a honeymooning couple can sit together. I can't count how many times I've been whacked in the head by some idiot who insists on shoving an oversized suitcase into the overhead bin.

Perhaps if I didn't travel so often, I'd be nicer. But I do, so I'm not.

* Why don't airports put the x-ray machine bins at the beginning of the line so people can use the time they're waiting in line to put their belts, cell phones, lap tops, and watches in the bin? Why wait until the last second to give them a bin?

Telecommuting in Kabul

Until recently, I was able to get out quite a bit and visit my grantees and their project sites. Not anymore. The start of the summer fighting season, new embassy procedures (whereby Secretary Kerry himself needs to approve my attendance at a ribbon cutting ceremony at a school), and an understandably - but still frustratingly - skittish leadership have made getting out of the embassy much more difficult these days.

This makes me feel like I am not expected (or allowed) to do my job well. As long as the paperwork is in order. So why am I telecommuting in Kabul when I could be telecommuting from DC?